Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
