your thong is hanging out like whoa
i barfeds in our rink
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
