i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
