This is not my ceiling
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
