***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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