been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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