wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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