the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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