Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
