I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
