I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
