stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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