we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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