yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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