stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
