You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
