I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize