it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
