Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
