My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ugly people sure do ruin things
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
