my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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