if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
