I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
