don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
