The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
