maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
