Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
