I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize