why didn't you poke me back
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
