I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
