I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
