hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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