this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
