i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
