god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need to calm my uterus...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
