She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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