Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
