just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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