So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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