Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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