Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
