put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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