Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
