god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
