so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
