ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
