Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
