He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
