Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize