The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
