Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
