You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
