did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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