I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
