why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Its about making memories worth repressing
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
