i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
