i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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