he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
They are going to name an STD after you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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