fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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