Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
