Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
