I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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