When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize