I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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