I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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