she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize