wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
