chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
