Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
