wrigley field is MILF paradise
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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