Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
