I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Boobs are out for the taking
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
