I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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