I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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