Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Four minutes until I can fart!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
