You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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