haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
