Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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