belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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