Please, let me fuck your mom
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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