i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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